How-to Have Lesbian Intercourse The Very First Time | Autostraddle

How will you have lesbian gender? We become asked this question continuously from lesbians of various age groups thatn’t had lesbian gender and they are stressed they do not understand “how.” Well, listen: appreciating gender actually about memorizing 16 opportunities or knowing the best angle to fuck from, appreciating lesbian sex is actually half-animal half-heart and just seldom has actually it had gotten almost anything to do with your logical mind, or cognitive reason, or everything people could inform you or whatever you could keep reading the online world.

And while it’s correct that someday you will be more confident and seasoned than you happen to be today, additionally, it is correct that the body was created knowing how to have sex think its great was given birth to understanding how to eat. The first time doesn’t always have to-be a problem, many of us never actually recall all of our basic instances. Alternately, if you’d like that it is a big deal, it may be. But in the end every companion differs — entirely, entirely, entirely different — from next.
Just what could we let you know, actually

But — as well, most of us recall a period whenever lesbian gender decided fumbling, or improv, attempting to perform a sport we failed to comprehend, like badminton. Or a hobby everybody else thought we should be effective in but we had beenn’t. Meanwhile, other people recall moving into sleep and instinctually being aware what to complete from the moment of entry. A lot of us had intercourse with boys in our adolescents and didn’t bang a girl ’til all of our mid-to-late-twenties, and decided rookies once again. Therefore we can know the way you might feel a little better knowing something before you take the dive.

Women’s sexuality, aside from queer sex, is usually disregarded by sex ed programs. Even though many heteros discover sex collectively within their early kids, numerous lesbians don’t begin that early and/or are not fellow socialized into the sexual universe like straights tend to be, and that our entire mass media tradition is actually structured about and obsessed with heterosexual sex.

Therefore we’re gonna go back to basics. However, as we compose this post, we have been slightly concerned that individuals do not have fucking idea everything we’re writing on. Hopefully to open up a dialogue for

commenters to generally share their tales and encounters and for everyone else to ask concerns!


This post (originally written in 2010 and mainly unaltered from that period) targets lesbian gender between cisgender females, although can mainly applicable to intercourse between any a couple with vulvas, and filled up with great advice about anybody having sexual intercourse with someone who has a vulva. The vocabulary in this post, unlike many our sex content, reflects that mostly for Search Engine Optimization reasons. But trans women can be females and most definitely have actually lesbian intercourse, and you will study several of our very own lots of tips on that during these posts:
How Exactly To Have Lesbian Gender With A Trans Lady
F*cking Trans ladies
Harnesses for Trans Women

Pre-Game Your Own Lesbian Intercourse


When you yourself have a vulva therefore wanna know how to create one with a vulva feel good, there is the benefit of utilizing your self for an examination subject — not that exactly what pleases you will definitely please your spouse, but it is a-start. Most likely your showerhead currently alert to this since youth, in case you are not used to masturbation or not used to orgasming, here is
just how to masturbate like a champ.
As long as you’re at it,
here is simple tips to get a vibrator

Being an experienced masturbator will allow you to end up being a fruitful partner more than anything else you could potentially ever perform, ever. Not only will you know how your lover can kindly you, but you’ll involve some idea of how-to kindly them.


Touching your self with your jeans and lingerie on (you can unzip your own trousers, but do not move them down) can be excellent exercise for the big date to

Twilight Total Eclipse In The Sun



If you are aroused, you could feel cozy or flushed. The nipples get erect, your own clitoris and vulva will enlarge because of enhanced circulation. Inside your human anatomy, the top of the snatch will develop.


Have a look at your insides. The surface of every person’s vulva is actually a fresh continent, however the insides are sensibly comparable to the other person, therefore it is an excellent sneak preview for those who have one.


If you have one, glance at your vadge in mirror. I understand you will read this and imagine “OH MY Jesus I’D NEVER” and not do it. Get over your self. Stick
a screwing mirror
between feet to see the crap!

Understand Your Vaginal Situation, If You Have One

Very first situations very first: folks often make use of the phase “vagina” when making reference to the female genital area, which actually isn’t correct. Suitable term for the outside genital area is actually “vulva.” The pussy is actually inside you, linking the vulva with the cervix. Discover
the article from Teen Vogue that enters everything about anatomy

Now that you’re resting right here along with your mirror, let us review the anatomy of a cisgender female’s vulva.


The clitoris is comprised of the glans/head (one particular painful and sensitive spend the 6,000-8,000 neurological endings), the hood (which drapes within the glans) additionally the shaft (and that’s normally 1.9 cm long). Some clits are bigger than other individuals, and just about all females can orgasm from clitoral arousal.

Labia Majora:

All of them end up being your “pussy lip area.” Subsequently,
the labia minora
are asymmetrical fragile retracts of softy spongy erecticle muscle around the labia majora. Some labia minoras increase after dark majoras several are tucked away internally. The length/shape of labia minora/majoras may be the first place for which you’ll observe that
all women’s vagina seems diverse from another’s


: the vaginal entrance is actually below your clitoris and urethral beginning (aka where the pee is released). Genital muscle is elastic, you could have heard that babies come out of it and fists may go involved with it. A good many neurological endings come into the exterior third from the snatch (to phrase it differently: don’t worry about having little fingers, it’s nbd).

a wide variety of vulvas included within this snatch art by jamie mccatney


Put a little finger inside snatch. Today make a “come hither” motion to the top wall structure of your own vagina. Will you think that spot with a texture unlike anything else’s surface? It really is a sponge about the size of a bean that fills with bloodstream during arousal, directly facing your own uterus. Some ladies look for g-spot pleasure too extreme, some detest it, some like it, some can orgasm as a result, and some can female ejaculate as a result.



The level place within pudendal cleft as well as the anus. Some women select this region sexually sensitive and painful. Slangily also known as “the taint” ’cause it ain’t the genitals and it isn’t the asshole.

Brushing for Lesbian Intercourse


You can do literally whatever you wish together with your tresses, although the removal of it entirely
enables you to at risk of problems
also it can end up being extremely itchy! Here’s
some statistics on the hair treatment behaviors

Pointers if you are gonna remove some tresses:

  • If you have the cash while the time, hair laser removal is best way to get reduce hair for the reason that place for all the lasting. It is generally speaking asserted that laser hair removal works more effectively on much lighter skin shades, but
    fortunately which changing
  • For most people, waxing may be the best/cheapest way to “clean up” without ingrowns. Depending on your own skin tone and sensitiveness, waxing may turn your skin layer an attractive tone of crimson for each and every day, so itinerary accordingly. We recommend getting hired done-by a specialist, however, if you wanna Do-it-yourself, Sally Hansen’s are
    inexpensive and simple for beginners
    and therefore is it equipment from
  • In case you are shaving, you can get upset major shaver burn which occasionally looks like some purple lumps all over your neighborhood.
    Bikini area will help you to with this specific
  • If you shave a couple of days before hooking up, whoever decreases on you will feel they’re staying their own face into a sheet of sandpaper.


Make sure that your nails tend to be since brief that you can and smoothly registered. If you do have long nails or acrylics,
here’s ideas on how to have intercourse securely without sacrificing them
. Keeping your arms mega-extra-super-duper-clean is vital. Get involved in it extra-safe by utilizing some convenient
exudate or nitrile gloves


All of you, the pussy smells perfect exactly the way truly! Don’t douche or elsewhere make an effort to infuse your snatch with industries of marigolds. It’ll have a stronger odor for those who haven’t showered or have actually received really flushed, and that is great. (Sidenote: the lingering smell of the girl in your disposal = miracle). However, in the event your snatch smells therefore pungently fishy your spouse can smell it inside pants from across the room,
you might have BV
and ought to
get see a gynecologist

Performing The Lesbian Sex

To be truthful, we kinda wouldn’t like one peruse this. We wish you to must figure it for yourself, like we did! All of you, it’s thus fun therefore get to be naked or half-naked with another lady! Right?! Sex is the most useful when you quit thinking and let yourself believe for you!

There are also at the very least 1,000 intercourse tips we could provide you with throughout your own sex life, but today we’re gonna remain really






Just ’cause you’re both girls doesn’t mean just what feels very good for your requirements will feel great to the girl. You both can show what exactly is operating and understandingn’t through terms, noises, or physical feedback. Avoid being ashamed to inquire of questions or volunteer what you fancy. It really is just like the Hot/Cold online game, but naked and much more slick! Stating “what would you like” is completely something we do. Therefore is actually laughing.
We advice plenty laughing

Lesbian Gender Foreplay

There are a great number of circumstances going on in the torso region for both people to understand more about, like BOOBS and ears, and having fun with those body parts is fun AND the best way to get lubed up before every method of immediate vaginal contact occurs (if that is what you need). Many people can orgasm from stimulation of different areas of the body form vadge, also. (when it’s the or your spouse’s first time becoming penetrated, you should not try for the
jackhammer fuck within five full minutes of one’s basic language hug, ease into that crap!)

Manual Clitoral Stimulation

This is a good starting point for. Rather self-explanatory. Once again, many people will require your hand being a dildo several simply wish to be touched with extreme delicacy. Know by inquiring!

Oral sex is really so awesome
this practically is like cheating. Like were mouths enabled to go indeed there, or perhaps is that anything humankind determined by itself? Per usually, err on the side of sensitive. This can be either “teasing” or “how she likes it,” according to girl. This could be also combined with fucking/g-spot stimulation, but we’re beginning straightforward now, therefore, once again, have some fun. Occasionally for those who have body picture issues, being eaten around will make you feel actually exposed. Very close your sight, things are okay. Also remember to
rehearse better gender with dental care dams


While in doubt, start slow/soft/delicate and construct as much as since fast/hard as she wants it. Guarantee she is moist prior to trying penetration —
lube is a great way to do that
. Next:

+ start off with your list hand within a bit, immediately after which completely in after which generate the next hand if she wants. (After that a 3rd if she wishes, etc etc) Don’t go too fast, give her for you personally to respond.

+ Pay attention to where the various other hands tend to be! If you the index/middle hands inside her, is your thumbnail looking into the woman inner thigh? Check your shit.

+ Some women don’t want to end up being penetrated for various factors, such as disquiet, gender identity or gender phrase,
and/or a preference for a particular intimate part
(as with “we bang you, that you don’t screw me.”) If that’s you and your partner will get in this location, politely go her hand and tell the girl for which you do want to be handled (or which you’d quite touch the woman).


Now, keeping your hand down her pants or over her canal may be your first instinct, or possibly its that which you’ve observed on

The L Term

, but that is one many magical steps mature girl fuck some other women. There are 365 ways to basically dried out hump (you


maintain your undies on for this, it can be simpler, but please perform lose the top, because that’s more pleasurable). You’ll fundamentally scrub through to any section of the woman human body or scrub vadge-to-vadge just about throughout everything.

A Lot More Sources For Great Lesbian Gender:

The Greater Amount Of You Understand

  • YOU SHOULD NEVER USUALLY DO NOT compare areas of the body

    . Comments are excellent! But resist the desire to provide an evaluation of your personal areas on your match concerning her elements. ‘Your [part] can be so way more [way to be] than mine! Waaah.’ = NO.
  • If you are working with non-gender-conforming folks then it’s better to ask before connecting what is ok and what exactly isn’t. Same for dealing with gender conforming people!
  • You really have the right feeling safe and comfortable, which means
    is vital and is
    less dangerous gender
    — please get a check-up and speak to your partner about any STIs you or she might have before leaping into bed.
  • Whether you’re 16 or 36, you aren’t “BEHIND.” Because of the patriarchy, it’s going to take you about 15 mere seconds to track down specifics of the average age from which heterosexual males and females shed their V-Cards (16-17), but no this type of research is out there for lesbians as much as we can inform. So we’ve accomplished an informal study of Team Autostraddle, which is a poor trial population because we’re all under 35 and demonstrably “out” sufficient to be


    Team Autostraddle thus, we imagine, most likely a lot more sexually experienced compared to the average lesbian bear. Whatever, by get older and season of “virginity reduction”:

Among all of our entirely non-representative trial measurements of queer females, an average get older for “our very first time” is actually 19.4.

Relevant Listings

Parts of the body that may be erogenous otherwise no-fly areas:

+ ears

+ neck

+ hard nipples

+ inner upper thighs

+ feet

+ arms

+ butt

+ little on the back

Some People Carry Out and Some Men And Women Cannot:

+ wish to be penetrated

+ orgasm from penetration

+ ejaculate

+ include sex toys into intercourse

+ enjoy g-spot stimulation

+ require handbook clitorial pleasure to climax

+ choose clitorial pleasure AND genital entrance to climax

+ appreciate anal penetration or
butt plugs
consuming butt

+ utilize

+ climax anyway

+ identify as

+ fantasize during intercourse

+ recognize as either a ”
” or a ”

+ identify as either “butch” or “femme”

+ wish to be nude during intercourse

+ wish the lighting on while having sex

+ like it rough

have actually an STI

+ wanna

Items That Can Happen The First Time And Include Completely Good:

and virtually sopping your complete bed (it’s not urine, we vow) (additionally, it’s amazing)

+ Farting or queefing

+ inadvertently cutting/lacerating the vagina (
this happens to old pros, too
) (

+ perhaps not orgasming

+ not-being

Acquiring hurt

+ Tensing upwards while pentrated

+ Bleeding

+ Bleeding from hymen-breakage

+ Post-sex UTIs or yeast conditions

+ getting 30+ moments to climax

+ the arm getting worn out

+ Crying

+ Chuckling

+ Thoughts

+ No thoughts

+ perhaps not experiencing like whole world changed

+ experiencing like whole world altered

+ Feeling as you’re on a whole new level of intimacy along with your lover

+ perhaps not appreciating it

Try not to end up being as well goal-oriented. Many people you shouldn’t appear the first occasion — many people you should not appear regularly during intercourse anyway! If neither of you would, absolutely going to be a moment once you feel just like you’re accomplished anyway, like experience has ended, which might feel strange, but it is not odd, it occurs. End whenever you’d end any physically exhausting task — whenever you cannot feel it anymore. Simply make fun of and perhaps stay naked and kiss and talk. Cuddle! Lesbians want to cuddle. Or ask the lady to exhibit you how she gets by herself down and vice versa — common self pleasure is an excellent backup plan for once you both wish to appear but can’t apparently have it this time. And it also’s hot to view to see just what she really does to by herself!

the afterglow




The Lesbian Sex Bible

Much more strategies and advice about lesbian, bisexual and queer females that gets near the subject with humor and irreverence.

Susie Sexpert’s Lesbian Sex World

: The cover with this book is really odd and 90s, but you can install it for $2.99 from Amazon and it’s — it’s just FUN. Its awesome sex-positive and warrants to become a cult standard in the lesbian publication world starting now.


The complete Lesbian Gender Book: A Passionate Guide for people

, by Felice Newman: The regular. Buy it, learn it, live it, like it.


Lesbian Sex: 101 Lovemaking Positions

: we gamble you do not know any single thing regarding the Joyride, tongue-and-groove, Toast Her, Gilding the Lily, Peach Gobbler, Hanky Spanky, lady Wrap or Velvet Rope, do ya? Well you could change that.


Moving away from: A Woman’s Help Guide To Masturbation

: From intercourse blogger and genital stimulation expert Jayme Waxman.


Your body, Ourselves: A Edition for an innovative new Era

: speak to your own womynhood.


Brand new Lesbian Intercourse Book, 3rd Edition

: Interviews with REAL LIVE LESBIANS about their sex everyday lives, has the influence of reminding you that there is a lot of lesbians available to choose from having sex and it is not merely your partner(s) in your teeny small community by water.


Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Method Of Healing Sexual Trauma

: “the initial encouraging, sex-positive manual for all females survivors of intimate attack — heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, paired, and solitary — who want to reclaim their unique gender everyday lives.”

Web Sites:


Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

“Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross are a couple of intergenerational intercourse positive feminists whose discussion on sex and feminism entertains and educates while delving inside Politics of Women’s sex.” Includes
a library of “how-to” films
for various intimate acts, including “first-time lesbian sex.”


The-Clitoris Dot Com

“Everything you actually ever desired to {know about|learn about|find out about|un